Fern Glen Essays
Loudon Clear
by Judy Sullivan

It happens every single time. My husband and I drive down the road in comfortable marital silence when our nostrils begin to twitch. Simultaneously, we both begin to emit loud nasal wails...

"Crossin' the highway late last night
He shoulda looked left and he shoulda looked right.
He didn't see the station wagon car.
The skunk got squashed and there you are..."

We continue to whine our way (in three part harmony when the dog is with us) through the remaining verses of Loudon Wainwright's well-known song.

Until a week or so ago, there had been no occasion for such musical mutilation. The skunks were tucked away for the winter, asserting squatter's rights in dens abandoned by woodchucks or foxes. Generally solitary creatures, groups usually comprised of females and first year families become more amenable to contact when the cold weather sets in. They curl up together in a state of sleepy sloth to wait for the more abundant fare of spring. It's not quite hibernation; body temperatures remain fairly stable and there are frequent periods of wakefulness. Males may bunk together, occupy individual bachelor pads, or move back home with the family, venturing forth for occasional midnight raids on nature's kitchen. (Apparently, a universal gender trait.)

One paper published in the American Midland Naturalist dryly observes that skunks average from 1-3 activity periods per day while in dens with (this is my favorite part) "juveniles showing a higher percentage of active days." No kidding What parent can't produce stories of exhausted adults longing for sleep while their progeny squirm and ceaselessly vocalize their boredom?

Until recently, striped skunks shared familial status with weasels in the Mustelidae. However, DNA comparisons have given them their own family, Mephitidae. Their genus is Mephitis, from the Latin meaning "bad smell." Their species epithet is also mephitis, thus rendering the complete moniker Mephitis mephitis., or, "Bad smell bad smell" of the Bad-Smelling family. Is it possible that the taxonomist who named this species came in contact with a "bad smell?"

In my humble opinion, few mammals are cuter than a striped skunk. However, as Grandma always said, "Handsome is as handsome does." The skunk proves itself truly attractive, not only by the dashing white stripes that race from head to tail, but by its hearty appetite for insects and small rodents. In its determined pursuit for grasshoppers and grubs, it also earns my undying admiration for its assaults on one of our most insidious enemies - the suburban lawn. I give a shout of joyous victory every time I see that endless, monotonous expanse of green pockmarked by the diligent efforts of skunks in search of grubs. Because of this, I'll overlook the fact that they also consume amphibians and the eggs of ground dwelling birds.

Meanwhile, forget February, chubby Cupid and St. Valentine. It's March and, in the animated prose of Pepe Le Pew, "it eez love, ma cherie!!!" Joining the skunks in prowling the hedgerows and highways in search of amour are raccoons, coyotes and red foxes. The weather may be frigid; yet, the love bug has bitten gray squirrels and meadow voles, as well. Soaring above them all is the great horned owl, courtship endeavors past, who is not above swooping down for a fast-food meal en route to home.

We marvel at these late winter liasons while realizing that they insure the earliest spring start for a new generation. And so, until long-awaited April arrives with its kits and cubs, we'll likely be weaving and warbling with increasing frequency. Take it away, Loudon...

Questions, comments, or other feedback to Judy Sullivan.